I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
