last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
