Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.