mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
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Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
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I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.