i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
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This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s