hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So much rum. So many feels.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
