Texts From Last Night

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  (574): View more from Indiana

  i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting

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  (574): i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting http://tfl.nu/eus0
  Replies (23) Good night (3522) Bad night (1717)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours

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  (414): I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours http://tfl.nu/ud9t
  Replies (27) Good night (6197) Bad night (1635)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.

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  (+44): It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty. http://tfl.nu/g5dx
  Replies (22) Good night (784) Bad night (6239)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated

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  (856): And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated http://tfl.nu/326a
  Replies (28) Good night (1224) Bad night (4986)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?

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  (405): i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk? http://tfl.nu/idqr
  Replies (25) Good night (5414) Bad night (1503)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm

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  (330): i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm http://tfl.nu/d06d
  Replies (13) Good night (2152) Bad night (1319)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.

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  (903): She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her. http://tfl.nu/v3pj
  Replies (6) Good night (3045) Bad night (571)
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  (315): View more from New York

  my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless

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  (315): my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless http://tfl.nu/2wfy
  Replies (8) Good night (3148) Bad night (1099)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.

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  (716): Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan. http://tfl.nu/rfh9
  Replies (4) Good night (1792) Bad night (672)
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  (916): View more from California

  Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...

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  (916): Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers... http://tfl.nu/ayxd
  Replies (5) Good night (1612) Bad night (608)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live

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  (352): Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live http://tfl.nu/q9p0
  Replies (11) Good night (437) Bad night (1427)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.

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  (775): Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob. http://tfl.nu/q4zv
  Replies (14) Good night (1406) Bad night (336)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...

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  (269): Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still... http://tfl.nu/u0uu
  Replies (5) Good night (1220) Bad night (432)
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  (818): View more from California

  You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.

  (1-818): View more from California

  Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.

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  (818): You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible. (1-818): Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins. http://tfl.nu/2adc
  Replies (2) Good night (627) Bad night (241)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.

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  (214): If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete. http://tfl.nu/s2yi
  Replies (4) Good night (446) Bad night (191)

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