What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you have to choose: penises or morals?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
