there was a trapeze. enough said
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
