He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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