You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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