return my video game
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
