so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
