After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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