well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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