Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
