It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
