Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
