i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
