There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
