u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
