That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
