I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
