oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
