i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
