Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I could make wine with my vomit
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think people are normalizing furries
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
