Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
