So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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