I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
