I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My balls are so social today.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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