She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
