Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
