I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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