My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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