this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
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I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
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So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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