You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
