Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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