how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
