My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize