Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
