ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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