i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
