My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
