Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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