You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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