Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
