I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
