he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
