I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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