Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
