this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
