Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
