Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
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My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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