I just pynch a tree in the face
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
