why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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