sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
