drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
