I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I touched a dick in church today
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
