Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
