booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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