please come you make the beer taste better
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This is my gift to your gina
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
