So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
