Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
