the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
