It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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