I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
