Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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