Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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