Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
