im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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