Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
