I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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