PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
