I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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