The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
