i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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