don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
