FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
