i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
