My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
