speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just found puke in my bra..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
