Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
