fuck your aforementioned shoe
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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