dude i'm inner monologue high
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
